Feels like amnesia.

Finally, I arrived in Cyprus. Weather is so shit here! I mean is warmer that England but the wind and the rain is so strong! It's snowing there now but the situation here is so fucked up! At the time of the landing I thought the airplane was going to crush or something, because of the wind. I was really scared.

I got home and I felt really weird. I thought I got in a stranger's house. It looked so unfamiliar. My stepmother kissed me and said that she missed me (yeah I still remember her phone call asking me if I do really go  to the classes). I gave a present to my sister but earlier she didn't speak to me. I spent a little time in my room wandering and wandering around. Something wasn't there. Maybe myself is missing from that place. I also avoid talking to my parents because they look so far from me now. I don't know if all these are wrong feelings but it's so weird. A friend came and took me ( the same who took me from the airport because my parents couldn't come) and we went to A to get her and hang out with her. I really liked that. Meeting friends that I haven't seen for a long time makes me happy, but I don't know what's wrong with the family thing.

Anyway I have so many work to do for my project, so I have to forget that the place doesn't inspire me anymore. My room, which it feels like it's not my room anymore, looks so uncomfortable to work. I have to deal with all these things and start working.

Thinking

Cyprus is closer now.. Βαρκούμαι τη διαδικασία του πακεταρίσματος, βαρκούμαι τον πονοκέφαλο, τη ζαλάδα τζαι γενικά τζείνα ούλλα που γίνονται μες στην κκελλέ μου άμα ταξιδεύκω με το αεροπλάνο. Νιώθω ότι εννα πάω πίσω τζαι να τελειώσουν ούλλα τζαι να μεν ξανάρτω δαμέ. Ακόμα ζηλεύκω τζείνη τη φίλη μου που εν εγνώρισε κανένα Κυπραίο τζαμέ που μεινίσκει τζαι μιλά τα αγγλικά όπως το νερό. Εγώ είμαι τόσους μήνες δαμέ τζαι μόνο 2-3 φίλους έκαμα που το flat μου τζαι αγγλικά μιλώ όπως εμιλούσα πριν. Καμία πρόοδος.

Anyway, we had a christmas dinner last night. One of the fewest times we sat in the kitchen all the residents of the flat and eat together. It was nice. It felt Christmas and warm. One thing that I don't usually feel in my family. But I think the problem why I don't like my family is me. I just don't like them because I don't want to like them. It will be boring there. 

(Sketches from friends' pictures that I made. Please comment, I really need it. I started filling a whole sketchbook with face drawings to improve my drawing skills. I don't try to make them realistic,as you can see there are many mistakes in the drawings above-an eye bigger than the other etc.-)

Also, sometimes I feel confused with my course. I do work a lot and get good marks and very good comments but I always want to do something different. I always deny myself. I always have a battle with myself, I want to do something different that he wants. I'd like to make stunning illustrations. But I know I'm not so good at it. I would like to be an artist and not just a designer who probably I won't be doing something special in the future. Just designing leaflets and invitations for some shitty places, which I really don't like. There are many designers today but very few are special. I WANT TO BE FUCKING SPECIAL. Ok enough. I had a conversation with my tutor and I told her that I want to stay in London for the summer to get some work experience and she told me that she would be glad to introduce me to a designer that she knows. I'm really excited about this. Probably I should wait before I deny my-self's passions. 

No, I'm not in a bad mood but I found a free time now relaxing in my room and make some thinking.

Τζαι μόλις τωρά που επήα να τελειώσω το post, ετηλεφωνήσαν μου οι γονείς μου ότι εν θα μπορούν να ρτουν να με πιάσουν που το αεροδρόμιο ή εννά πρέπει να περιμένω 2-3 ώρες ώσπου να μπορέσουν.. Πάλε όπως το πεταξούμενο. Τωρά εμετάνιωσα τέλεια τζαι εν θέλω να πάω με τίποτε.

P.S. Regina Spektor. Obsessed with her songs the last 2-3 days. Unique.